Know-Love-Obey God

(High Calling Blogs Book Club:
Loving Monday, by John Beckett, Chapters 4-7
See Laura’s post here.)

In eleventh grade my life path was already set, as if on cruise control. Like my four siblings before me, I would be a commuter student at a nearby college, UCLA being my top choice. Since my dad was an accountant and I liked my accounting class, I figured I should be an accountant (which thrilled Mrs. Fillon, the 11th grade accounting teacher). I planned to take the SAT and AP exams, send several college applications hoping for admission at UCLA, and go-go-go. Eventually I would work for some big-wig accounting firm and make six figures.

My path already set, I was directionless.

Mrs. Wachter was the classy, slim-waisted guidance counselor who wore fitting knee-length leather skirts. She probably worked out at some high-end gym and went dancing on Friday nights. I knew for certain that she played tennis, and I imagined her dressed in Wimbledon whites, sipping Evian between matches.

Cluelessly ambitious, I sat on the other side of Mrs. Wachter’s desk. In two years she had witnessed my reactions to a false accusation from the bookstore manager (regarding the “Class of ‘90″ sweatshirts I sold), locking myself out of my car (with the engine running), and another crisis or two. I sat across from counselor and friend (she is a friend still), waiting for her to explain the reason I was summoned.

“Have you thought about what your college major will be?”

I answered automatically, “I was thinking Accounting, I guess.”

Instead of immediately saying, “That’s not for you” (which would have been true), she gently and steadily helped me explore. Was that truly my interest? What classes did I enjoy? She asked several wisely probing questions and helped me land on the right answer: Physics, particularly Optics.

Liking this direction, Mrs. Wachter continued, “Well, if you want to major in Physics, you should apply to Caltech.”

None of the four siblings before me attended a private school requiring that many dollar signs. I immediately thought, not possible, and answered automatically, “Oh, I couldn’t afford that!”—which Mrs. Wachter simply used as a segue into a financial aid discussion. (This woman is good.) By the time I walked out of her office, I was not only convinced but excited.

I applied for early admission and received a BIG envelope in the mail (not the standard 4″ x 9″ envelope which would indicate rejection). Printed on the upper corner, in distinguished orange letters, was “Caltech,” Pasadena, California. Like Beckett did when he got his acceptance letter (see Loving Monday, Chapter 5) I yelled in celebration.

As a freshman (and all four years, really) I walked the campus in a dazed wonder, looking down as I walked the Olive Walk and wondering if the soles of Millikan, Feynman, and Einstein touched the bricks now under my shoes. Though amazed and glad to be there, I did not think I belonged.

Yet God did want me there, not primarily for my abilities (ha!) but because He loved me, wanted me, sought me out and drew me to Himself.

Like Beckett in his undergraduate years, I knew a “Dave” or two who followed Christ (their names were actually Dave). By God’s grace, my first college friends were Christ-followers, one of which immediately invited me to the Page House Bible study. Soon I became a Christ-follower, too (while reading the end of Romans 8).

Frosh year was one of the richest (because of falling in love with Jesus) and most difficult (because of the grueling academics) years of my life. I failed Math 1a, failed Phys 1c, and wondered how I was ever going to get out of there alive. I don’t belong here. They made a mistake when they accepted me. This is way above my capabilities.

In spite of the abysmal beginnings on my transcript, I actually did belong there—because God’s purposes are different than what I expected. In Loving Monday, Beckett uses the “Invisible Hand” term to apply to more than just economics:

[T]here was an Invisible Hand guiding all of life. At least the events that had loomed so large early in my marriage and business career seemed to indicate that there was a subtle yet profound influence shaping my diretion in life—God’s Invisible Hand.

This influence had first surfaced toward the end of high school when I began applying to colleges . . .

- John Beckett, Loving Monday, page 42.

Well, that sounds familiar.

Upon entering college I envisioned myself becoming an important scientist. My children and grandchildren would eventually use textbooks written by me. Instead, I shed four years of sweat and tears (but never blood, by God’s grace) and barely squeaked out with a diploma (and now I laugh at my prideful teenage delusions).

I did not turn into a famous author of science texts, but during these pivotal college years I:

- stepped into life with Jesus, and

- met the man who is now my husband and father of my boys.

These are only two (the biggest two!) of God’s purposes that unfolded from my college years. I had no idea it would turn out that way. Thank God, it did—and through events which find their roots in those college years, God is still unfolding His purposes for me (that is, for Him, through me).

In this week’s Book Club chapters John Beckett tells of his college and conversion experiences. I thought I might as well, too.