Wednesday, January 5th, 2011...10:57 am
Yes, Questions Asked
There are at least two meanings for “ask”:
1. To make a request or petition of
2. To inquire
I ask (#1) God for many, many things.
I ask for pruning. (“Lord, purge anything that You don’t want in me.”) I ask for death to self. (“Lord, may it truly be not I, but Christ in me who lives.”) I ask for guidance, as Moses did in Exodus 33:15, desiring and determined to go only where He wants me to go: “If Your presence does not go with us, do not send us out from here.” I ask for wisdom. I ask for many, many things.
When I asked (#1) God how He wants me to change, He said, “Ask” (#2).
“I filed for divorce,” she said.
It was her answer to my “. . . and how can I pray for you?”
Clueless, I felt like she opened a book to give me page 700 of her story, so I asked her out to coffee. I wanted to know what happened on pages 1 to 699.
It’s a shame. What kind of person can know a woman for five years and be completely ignorant that, for the past five years, this woman has been separated from her husband who moved out and left her?
I am that kind of person. (But I pray that, by God’s power, I can now say that in the past tense: I was that kind of person.) I was oblivious of a friend’s deepest wounds and pains for five whole years.
In a sobering answer to my daily prayers, God showed me that my lack of heart-involvement and genuine interest in this woman’s life was such that I had no clue. I thought she was happily married. The truth was, I never asked.
I remember my junior high days. Everyone in my little group of friends knew everything about everyone else. I felt they were pushy, nosy gluttons for gossip and information. They didn’t think twice about asking the most probing and personal questions. I wasn’t like that and determined not to become like that. I never probed; I asked no questions. If someone wanted to tell me something personal, I’d let her tell me on her own initiative.
But I grew into someone who has taken that too far. I do need to ask people questions about themselves, not like a meddling gossip but by way of invitation: I’m interested in your life. Won’t you tell me about it?
One of God’s new directions for me is grace—not the receiving of it (I seem to have no problem with that) but the giving of it. I want gracious friendliness, compassion, heart-involvement, selfless love, and genuine interest in the deep and important things of another’s life.
. . . practice kindness and compassion each to his brother.
- Zechariah 7:9
Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.
- Philippians 2:4
Father, help me grow in this. Thank you for hearing my prayers about dying to self and for helping me realize that death to self is not only about my relationship with You but also my relationships with the people around me, the people You love and want me to love. Please, give me Your compassion. Grow in me a genuine and eager interest in others so that I hear their answers with attentive and truly listening ears and heart. Help me learn to gently ask questions, inviting others to open their stories to me. Help me observe those who are strong in this area, that I may emulate their examples.
Thank You for bringing this lack to my attention instead of leaving me where I was.
...to Know-Love-Obey God
10 Comments
January 5th, 2011 at 11:09 am
God is good to continue to work on us — to teach us and show us and stretch us. He gives us grace so that we can give it!
January 5th, 2011 at 11:28 am
Ask. That word alone speaks volumes….
Thanks for the food for thought in many directions.
January 5th, 2011 at 1:21 pm
I really loved this post…this is something I struggle with a lot as well, for the same reasons as you. Thanks for this post…your honesty really spoke to my heart today.
(P.S. I’m here from A Holy Experience.)
January 5th, 2011 at 8:10 pm
Monica – This is something that I too can relate to… Feeling so closed up lately, especially as I look back on 2010. I look at this “asking” as a generosity of spirit (what you call “grace”) to really see, hear, and understand those around me. Rather than clamming up in my own comfort and silence.
January 5th, 2011 at 8:15 pm
This is such a needed reminder for me… there are many times I find it difficult as well. It makes me so thankful to have a God who’s present and answers when we ask.
January 5th, 2011 at 11:10 pm
This is wonderful, God showing you this about yourself and your willingness to be teachable. As someone who finds it very hard to share unless I’m asked directly, I can tell you it is very much appreciated by the person asked. I can almost guarantee you the person you’re asking doesn’t think you’re being nosy but rather feels valued that she is important enough to you that you have a genuine interest in her. So many of us are so quick to answer “I’m fine” when asked how we are… but how often is that really true?
January 6th, 2011 at 3:26 pm
Sometimes I feel like our culture is so voyeuristic and nosy. Other times it feels like we share too much on social media. However, I think you’re hitting on the right kind of personal information to ask about–really asking how people are doing and learning about the real struggles they face.
Perhaps we spend too much time telling too many people too little and not enough time telling a few trusted people a lot.
January 6th, 2011 at 5:34 pm
I am like you. I have often said that if I were to know, they would tell me. However, when we are deeply wounded we are often to exhausted or in too much pain to have to take the initiative all the time. That’s me too. In those times when I have not had the words to say, to lead, to proclaim, those folk who asked in that quiet caring way… they saved they day. Through them God met me. I am with you on this – that we be more attentive to simply ASK. Maybe, if we aren’t to know, they won’t tell us. Thanks for this post. I am here by way of Faith Barista.
January 8th, 2011 at 4:12 am
Dear Monica,
You are such a joy to read and get to know! I love how you open up the windows of your heart… and you know what? There is freshness of God speaking to you!
“One of God’s new directions for me is grace—not the receiving of it (I seem to have no problem with that) but the giving of it.”
This made me giggle. I love you heart. And your new word for the year.
I feel so special having shared this start together! Thanks for jamming!
January 11th, 2011 at 9:46 pm
Thank you so much for your willingness to embrace God’s change in you. “I was that person”. Yes!
Now you’ll be saying “You matter” to the people God brings into your life.
I’m so encouraged by your writing. Thank you.
Leave a Reply